So, Naomi just got this little gem in an e-mail and I need to set the record straight abut my 'relationship' with this girl somewhere.

"You have no reason to trust me, but in my defense, the person you saw last year was not me, I acted that way out of fear of losing the one person who meant anything to me at the time, and I could see myself losing him to you, which I was quite obviously right about. "

First off let me address the first comment, "the person you saw last year was not me..." Well, I saw a lot more of that person than Naomi did and I can definitely vouch for it being her to the bone. In fact, the person Naomi saw was mild compared to the person I saw.

The thing I wanted to address most though is "I acted that way out of fear of losing the one person who meant anything to me at the time, and I could see myself losing him to you, which I was quite obviously right about."

O.K. Let's start. She didn't lose me to Naomi. I was Naomi's from the first moment we talked and have been ever since. The only reason I ended up with this girl was that she hounded me to go out with her and actually managed to convince me that I was doing something wrong by not. When things went bad with me and Naomi I was heartbroken and lost all will to try for anything more than what everyone else had. Everyone else seemed to be able to just be with as many random people it took until they found the right one so I thought I'd just go with that. Plus I had no will left to fight her. I never wanted to be with her, not finding her remotely attractive and being slightly repulsed by the stories she used to tell me either to make herself seem more interesting or make me want to be with her. Neither happened.

What actually happened was that she became more and more psychotic and it was impossible to live my life with her around. But, there's the rub, she was around which meant that getting rid of her was going to be a feat and a half. She was around far longer than I wanted because of various threats which came thick and fast whenever I told her I wasn't putting up with any of her crap anymore. When she threw down the ultimatum of her or Naomi there was no question. Through some misguided loyalty I tried to continue being friends with her but none of it was ever good enough because that wasn't what she wanted. Even when I told her things were never going to happen between us she still used as many guilt trips and threats as she could come up with. Even when I met her for the last time to get back my stuff she tried to hold my hand and was outraged because I could have "at least made today special." I was already with Naomi (engaged to her a matter of days later) and she tried to make me feel unreasonable for not wanting to act like she was my girlfriend! I doubt I could ever paint a clear picture of what happened because I wouldn't feel right putting down most of the crap she pulled.

The main point is this, Jenni, if you're reading this, you weren't right. You didn't lose me to her. You never had me. You tried the hardest you could to get something that wasn't yours and never would have been but, through the events that transpired when I met Naomi, you got it. I never wanted to be with you, it never entered my head. I didn't get confused and think I did. My emotions didn't grow into love. I just gave up hope of anything better. This may sound harsh to anyone reading, but I've received harsher words from her believe me. Plus, it's the thruth. I want to actually be adult about this and be able to say what I really think without some childish/emo/attention-seeking response. Something I could never do at the time because it would usually lead to blood-stains and 3 day long verbal attacks. Of course, if your feelings for this guy are true then this shouldn't even matter to you because you have something real now. I'm not being a bastard and saying how much I hate her. I'm not just being randomly vicious. I just want everything to be clear so everyone can just move on.