ok, slight crisis of faith.
What's the point in being how I am? Why be different from everyone else? Why be honest? What has it gotten me. All my morals and convictions have brought me nothing but unhappiness and isolation.
I can't pretend to like people if I don't. I do it far too much and I'm not very convincing at it. Plus it makes me hate myself for not being entirely truthful, even if I'm not actually lying to them.
I don't like the way most people are. They're immoral, they lie, they're selfish etc. I can't be that way. But why shouldn't I be? It's causing pretty much all the problems in my life. I can't relate to anyone else, not the way I want to. People say they want someone who's different. Who's not like everyone else. Someone who's intelligent, kind, 'good.' Or any other stereotypical answer you can think of.
Well, in my experience, that's not true at all. At least, I've never met anyone who truly adheres to that.
Meh. I don't really know what I'm trying to say. I can't order my thoughts at the moment. I'll probably try again later after I've slept.
"_"